When the Unbreakable Breaks

As you move on through life you encounter situations where it seems like you are not allowed to be broken. That you are indeed unbreakable. And while this may be true in so many other instances there is a time that comes when you just need to sit and sort out your feelings.

We have been led to think that if you have a place to sleep, a steady source of income, meals, a loving family, you are simply just not allowed to feel broken. You put a smile on your face and push through it. You are expected to carry on and not be so selfish to feel sadness or misery.

I think this should be discarded, a person should be allowed to be sad without judgment to be held without hearing, "it could always be worse". Yes, I know it could be worse, but just listen to me now. Accept and acknowledge that I am upset, and that I too need to be listened too.

There have been days when I wake up with such sadness that tears well up in my eyes without having a justification. I immediately discard my feelings as they are invalid for I have a family that loves me, supports me, a career, a warm home, and food as needed. Slowly, I've learned that my feelings are valid, and they need to be expressed. That it is possible to feel sadness even when those on the outside think life is perfect. I've been broken, I've learned to let it out, and slowly but surely I glue myself back together.

I take a moment to take my life in, allow myself to be sad but I don't go and live there, and it makes me stronger and better. It allows me to grow as a person, to see how I can improve. It gives me a moment to breathe, to stop comparing myself to others who appear to be better off in life than me, and to those who are appear to be worse off than me. It allows me to focus on me.

I've found that there are multiple things that affect my current moods, and that there are certain situations that make me feel better. For example, my body, my physical strength, my ability to do certain things are positives in my life. I am no longer afraid of the dreaded unposed photo that I may be tagged in.

I learned to love myself regardless of how I look on the outside.

Don't dwell on things you cannot change, accept where you are, seek help if needed, and do not ever invalidate your feelings.

Filter My Mirror

There are often times I find that the most amazing people lose themselves. They are great at making others feel great about themselves, about supporting others, and when it comes down to themselves they cannot do the same. They stare into that mirror and pick at every flaw, every imperfection. 

We've been conditioned to look at ourselves in comparison to an Instagram filter. I myself am guilty. I downloaded an app that "beautifies" you in one click.

So what exactly is one click beautification? This click, slims you down, makes your eyes larger, and blurs out any dimples, moles or so said "imperfection" off your face. Who decided this was the standard to be beautiful? Why must we obsess over IG models portrayal of life? Why must we obsess over taking the right angled picture and picking the correct filter? And when the camera is off... we can't love the image on the mirror, because there is no filter or beautify button. 

What will it take for us to appreciate that reflection? Because we are all beautiful. We all are unique, and we need to embrace our physical appearance. We don't need to diet, we don't need to obsess over how many calories go into our bodies, we can't think of working out as a punishment for going to happy hour with our friends, or enjoying a nice Thanksgiving dinner with out family. 

Learn to love yourself, if you want to change your physical appearance do something about it, but embrace that it is going to be a slow process. Don't starve yourself, don't limit yourself to life. If you're happy the way you are, then be you! Love it, flaunt it and don't look back... don't troll on the person who is doing something about it. 

I've often felt the need to compare my results to others. To cry and obsess over how skinny I could get, how many calories I could get away with eating without feeling dizzy... and when I did eat more than I should have, how to get it out of my body. It is taboo to talk about issues we struggle with. And slowly we lose ourselves as we try to smile at others and lift them up without lifting ourselves up. 

We don't want to be judged, we want to be seen as the girl with the perfect life, the perfect poses, the dazzling smile, the one who has friends around her all the time... everyone's envy. So I invite you to love yourself, to look beyond the mirror, and to forget about filters, to seek help if you need it, to lift yourself up, just as you would lift others up. Take a deep breath beautiful, stop trying to filter your mirror. 

Living Life Through a Pink Lens

A few facts about me

I am a believer in Pink, Fairy Tales, and Dreams coming True. 

I am a girl who has always had dreams larger than a girl can imagine. I distinctly remember being 12 years old and telling my mother I was going to go to college and I was going to sleep in a dorm. Being from humble origins my mother laughed it off and did not save for me to go to college.

We lived 15 minutes from Disneyland, to this date I have never gone with my parents. I went to Disneyland 3 times, my godmother helped pay for it. I was never able to buy anything, and always wanted to live in a fairy tale.

I went to UT Austin, graduated, moved to DC, moved back to San Antonio. Completed my Master's in Business Administration and got promoted in my job.

I lived my life in fear of being unable to breathe. I grew up with asthma. I've been to the ER twice for airway constriction. I was never allowed to run and have always had a weight problem.

In 2013, I decided I wanted to run the Princess Half Marathon. I decided I was going to run 13.1 miles. I started with 1, and had my heart broken when I couldn't even run .5 miles. I gave up.

I woke up one day to a picture of me on social media. And I didn't recognize who I was. I cried and cried. I had a friend pick me up, we started Weight Watchers. And just like all other efforts I failed. I ordered T25 in hopes of maybe being able to complete something this time. And I did. And it changed my life.

I learned to love myself, a relatively new concept to me. I learned to be proud of the person I had become, of the person who stared back at me in the mirror.

I am now proud to say I have completed a 5K, 10K, Half Marathon and even a Full Marathon. I completed the Glass Slipper Challenge and the Pixie Dust Challenge, I have lost 40 plus pounds but most important of all I learned to accept me for me.